DB News, Gossip, & Pop Culture

September 14, 2009

Great Parenting

Filed under: Featured, News — DBNewsWorld @ 12:43 PM

Featured post by Christian on September 14 at 5:23am

The principal of Lafayette’s Angevine Middle School is asking parents to discourage their children from wearing colored jelly bracelets to school because of rumors that they carry sexual meanings.

“Reports indicate that the colors of the bracelets signify different inappropriate actions that students will do or have done,” Principal Mike Medina wrote in an e-mail to parents Thursday. “Due to the nature of the inappropriateness associated with these bracelets, we are asking students not to wear them.”

Some Angevine students have been wearing the rubbery bracelets since school started, Medina said, but with more and more children showing up with their wrists covered in the bright bands, school officials felt they were becoming a “substantial distraction to the learning environment.” Medina said he and his staff talked with some of the kids about the trend and learned about a hidden meaning.”

I don’t even think I knew the meaning of more than two things on this list in middle school, but now kids seem to be performing them more often than sorority girls from state schools. The information regarding jelly wristbands have shocked parents who are just now realizing how slutty their daughters actually are even though they have been insistent on buying thongs, short skirts and staying over at their best friend “Jenny’s” every weekend for years. The news has also angered many pedophiles who now have to compete with other middle school boys that have become more aware of the sluttiness that surrounds them. What better way is there for twelve and thirteen year old girls and boys to prove their maturity than by turning tricks in the bathrooms during recess? Nothing says “grown-up” like performing various sexual acts that daddies could only wish for mommies to do. In response, Joe Francis of Girls Gone Wild has set up camp in various middle school sock-hops. When asked about the actual legality of this arrangement Francis brought up his previous conviction for filming underage girls and cited “Double Jeopardy” as his defense, stating that he had seen the movie and understands his rights.

Possible Meanings of Each Color Bracelet:

Black — sexual intercourse
Blue — blow job (alternate meaning: lap dance)
Green — cunnilingus (alternate meaning: outdoor sex, hug)
Clear — whatever you want (alternate meaning: hug)
Orange — kiss
Yellow — hug
Red — lap dance
Purple — anal sex
Silver — fisting
White — flash your tits
Pink — flashing
Gold glitter — make out
Brown — toss my salad, i.e., analingus
Glow in the dark — using sex toys
Glittery Yellow — hugging & kissing
Glittery Green — 69
Glittery Purple — French
Glittery Orange — kiss
Indigo — Hand-job with blowjob
Clear Gold with glitter — fingering
Clear blue — All of everything
Clear Pink — Its the girls choice
Clear Green — All Anal
Glow in the dark pink — female sex toys
Glow in the dark blue — boy sex toys
Glow in the dark green — Sex with porn
Light Blue — masturbate
Gold — suck on any part of body
Gray (silver) — flash

[Source Westward and DenverPost]

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