DB News, Gossip, & Pop Culture

September 23, 2009

Move It, Grandpa

Filed under: Featured, News — Tags: , , , , , — DBNewsWorld @ 11:21 PM

Featured post by WiiMan on September 23 at 11:21pm

I hate it when I’m in line at the supermarket and an old lady in front of me decides to hold up the entire line by pulling out her checkbook to pay for a few items. I’m almost tempted to pay for her groceries myself with a credit card just to speed it up – wait, that bottle of Centrum Silver costs 26 dollars? Forget it. That’s a deal breaker. Well, if you’re like me, you might be happy to hear this story:

“Whole Foods Market Inc. is considering banning the use of personal checks at its stores and stopped accepting checks at two stores in the Los Angeles area as a test. The heads of these chains see check processing as a time-consuming. ‘Since most of our customers pay with cash, debit cards or credit cards, we want them to be able to check out as quickly as possible.’”

Okay, I lied. I’m actually NOT that happy about this. Why? Although a ban on personal checks may provide customers with faster service, we have to remember that this is WHOLE FOODS we’re talking about. Which means that society will have once again caved in to the annoying class of self-centered, organic-obsessed, tree-hugging Whole Foods customers. You know exactly who I’m talking about – the pretentious MILFs in line who carry their yoga mats in one hand and a six-dollar box of blueberries in the other, while tapping their toe impatiently because they’re late for yoga class. PUHHLEEEZ. Let me do you a favor, ladies: the next time I’m in front of you in line, why don’t I just save you time by shoving my checkbook up your yoga-tightened asses.

For these reasons, I say let the old people at Whole Foods have their checkbooks. Seriously people, we should let the elderly pay however they want. Who the hell should care if it takes a couple of extra minutes? And what the hell is yoga anyway? A character from Star Wars? Give me a break.

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