DB News, Gossip, & Pop Culture

October 29, 2009

Elizabeth Smart

Filed under: News — Tags: — DBNewsWorld @ 1:28 PM

What happened to Elizabeth Smart is fucked up beyond any rendition of the story I can tell or jokes I can make. I hope it never happens to anyone.

In June of 2002, then-14-year-old Elizabeth Smart was abducted from her family’s home in Salt Lake City, Utah. In March of 2003 she was found alive, 18 miles away, with presumed kidnappers Brian David Mitchell and Wanda Ileen Barzee.

According to testimony Smart gave during a court proceeding, Brian David Mitchell entered her bedroom after she’d been put to bed by her parents. He held a knife to her throat and threatened to murder her family if she refused to quietly leave with him. Smart said that Mitchell then took her to a cabin in the nearby woods. Wanda Ileen Barzee was waiting there to prepare her for a marriage ceremony performed by Mitchell to make Smart his wife. Smart has said that she was repeatedly raped and assaulted during her captivity…”

What’s up with this backwards ass shit in Utah? They tied her to a tree and shit, these people were savage, sick, disgusting, and clearly not functioning members of our society. The most thought provoking comment she makes about all this is the following:

Despite everything she went through, Smart says that her faith never wavered – instead it  provided her with the strength to persist: “I know that we do have angels on the other side that we don’t see. We’re never truly left alone in our darkest hour.”

I’m glad she’s safe now, but that’s kind of shitty of those angels. I mean she was sexually assaulted numerous times. Did those angels leave her alone then? And if not, do they like watching? You think about it.

[Source Yahoo!]

I’m Not Impressed

Filed under: Technology — Tags: , , , , , — DBNewsWorld @ 1:11 PM

The Motorola Droid phone is coming out pretty soon and it looks like my anus. People are concerned because Apple’s stock is dropping, fearing that the Droid would give the iPhone a run for it’s money. Maybe people are forgetting that Apple reported insane profit gains this past quarter, jumped 20 dollars in a day, and perhaps people are just cashing out. Stop panicking. When I saw this phone I wondered why it looked so familiar, and I remembered that I took a shit recently and saw a piece of shit that looked like this phone in the toilet as I was going to flush. All I have to say is if you’re going to try to beat a Ferrari F50 don’t bring your Ford Pinto.

Here’s a smart ass penis commercial they put out making fun of the iPhone.

I will dispense in an angry tirade why this commercial is semen.

1. Who the fuck cares if there’s not a real keyboard? This isn’t 1840, get over it, you crybaby.

2. Running simultaneous applications is really important right? I mean, how else are you going to know if it’s raining in Kentucky if you can’t take a picture of your dick at the same time? Oh shit, time paradox.

3. Wow, you have a 5 megapixel camera? 90% of people who use cameras have no idea what the relationship between megapixel and picture quality even is. Get a real camera, you cheap shit.

4. Customizing? I guess that’s important when you’re trying to be unique and every other dick head thinks they’re being unique… by buying the same phone as you.

5. What the statutory rape is a widget?

6. Saying “I don’t allow open development” is like saying “I don’t allow security instability.” Wait, is that a bad thing?

7. You need to take pictures in the dark? Why, trying to be a fucking pervert and take pictures of your parents fucking at night?

8. Seriously? No interchangeable batteries? When Apple just swaps you out a phone if your battery is shit? For free?

iDon’t think your phone isn’t a piece of shit, Motorola.

[Source Yahoo!]

3 Million Dollars

Filed under: Hot Chicks — Tags: , — DBNewsWorld @ 12:50 PM

I swear I’m not doing a Victoria’s Secret themed string of entries, but I’m pretty sure I would be doing the universe a disservice of I didn’t inform concerned individuals like myself that these wonderful pictures are out in existence. In any case, Marisa Miller is not only ultra gorgeous, but she’s kind of fucked up. Let me tell you why: She’s wearing a 3 million dollar bra which is absolutely hot and excessive and I’m pretty sure it’s perfect women like her who make insecure girls who aren’t loved by their parents and easily influenced by the media starve and kill themselves. Fuck you for being awesome, Marissa. Fuck you. Call me, please.

[Source WhatWouldTylerDurdenDo?]

Hello Again!

Filed under: Hot Chicks — Tags: , , , — DBNewsWorld @ 10:02 AM

Ashley Greene French

I still don’t understand why people waste their time talking about Anus & Kate Plus 8, Lady Gaga,  cancer, Heidi Penis Face Montag, and other penis softening things when the beautiful and not annoying Ashley Greene goes unnoticed. Well pay attention, folks, because you’ll probably find yourself beating off to her all the time in the future just like everyone else. All right, just me.

[Soure Popoholic]

Pink’s New Album

Filed under: Celebrities — Tags: , , , — DBNewsWorld @ 9:46 AM

Singer Pink apparently released a new album, but she has changed her name to Adam Lambert and is probably going to go by Blue now. Kind of like how Marshall Mathers goes by Slim Shady as Eminem. In any case, this album looks awful and Pink looks slightly manlier than I remember. But she’s always been pretty butch.

[Source IDon’tLikeYouInThatWay]

Alessandra Ambrosio

Filed under: Hot Chicks — Tags: , , , — DBNewsWorld @ 9:41 AM

Alessandra Ambrosio

I use to be in love with Adriana Lima, but then she got annoying when she revealed she was a virgin. Boring sex anyone? Anyone? And I thought Miranda Kerr was unrealistically adorable when she debuted in that commercial years ago. But then she started banging Orlando Bloom and I questioned whether or not she liked elves or real dudes, which doesn’t include myself because I’m a troll. Besides, doesn’t her face seem kind of small for her body? You HAVE looked at her face, right? In any case, the only thing I like more than Alessandra Ambrosio’s body is saying her name. All right, I don’t like it that much more. But it’s pretty damn sexy, isn’t it? For more random pictures of Alessandra being ultra hot, follow the source link.

[Source IDon’tLikeYouInThatWay]

Update 10/29/09: Here’s another picture to pull Alessandra ahead in the hottest Victoria’s Secret model race!

Nice, huh?

[Source WhatWouldTylerDurdenDo?]

October 21, 2009

Worst Idea Ever

Filed under: Celebrities — Tags: , — DBNewsWorld @ 9:01 AM

“Hey, guys, I have a great idea for a television series: How about we take a woman who is incapable of raising 8 children because not only is there no father, but she’s also unemployed, AND we mix in a douche bag father who will stick his penis in anything who’s name isn’t Kate? You guys smell Emmy?”

Octomom is making hints that she’s interested in Jon Gosselin? Clearly we have a God with a sense of humor. If they make a show that features those two, this country is absolutely fucked up. There are plenty of singles and gay couples who are continually refused adopting children, but you PAY people LARGE SALARIES to expose them to fucking awful parents for the entertainment of others? Nice one, America.

[The Superficial]

Bad Genetics

Filed under: News — Tags: , — DBNewsWorld @ 8:47 AM

So I guess they’ll let anyone beat off into a cup and make 50 bucks.

A sperm donor passed on a potentially deadly genetic heart condition to nine of his 24 children, including one who died at age 2 from heart failure, according to a medical journal report.

Two children, both now teenagers, have developed symptoms and are at risk for sudden cardiac death, the report says. It’s the second documented instance of a genetic condition being inherited through sperm donation.”

I guess writing “I have a college degree, I stand 5’10”, and I have a heart disorder that can be inherited genetically,” doesn’t impress women like it use to. Screen your shit, ladies, or just ask me for a donation. It’s not that hard.

[Source InsideBayArea]

October 15, 2009

This is Attractive

Filed under: Food — Tags: , , , , — DBNewsWorld @ 8:31 AM

A woman who stands at 5 feet tall, clocks in at 100 pounds, and eats as much as a tiger? Is it so wrong that I’m aroused? Juliet Lee is a competitive eater and makes me feel less manly. It doesn’t hurt that she’s kind of a MILF.

Lee, a 44-year-old Germantown mother of two and a busy hair salon owner, is also the 11th-highest-ranked professional competitive eater in the world…

This yoga-practicing suburbanite, who wears size zero jeans and shops the junior racks at Kohl’s, has eaten, for example, 34 hot dogs, 48 tamales, 22 pork barbecue sandwiches and nearly five dozen miniature hamburgers. All within minutes.

Find that hard to swallow? Try five pounds of ribs, 43 inches of cheese steak sub, 31 dozen raw oysters, 13 slices of pizza, 13 pounds of cranberry sauce, and 13 date-nut-bread-and-cream-cheese sandwiches. It’s all documented, much of it having aired on ESPN, Spike TV and YouTube.

Are you impressed? Because I have a boner.

[Source WashingtonPost and JulietLee]

October 14, 2009

The Expendables

Filed under: Movies — Tags: , , , , — DBNewsWorld @ 10:48 AM

I think people are full of shit. They’ll go out and watch fucking awful ass movies. Those movies usually feature terrible dialogue, no character development, and endless plot holes, yet they loved it. God only knows why. Assuming whatever God is exists. In any case, then a movie like The Expendables comes out, and it’s an all out, balls-to-the-walls, action packed, classic throwback to when people use to do cool shit and you didn’t need a reason for things to fucking explode in your face. All of a sudden, everyone is a fucking movie critic. Shut the fuck up. Yes, you. If you can appreciate what Sylvester Stallone is doing for audiences who still remotely have a pulse, then definitely check out this film. There is a ridiculous trailer through the source link.

[Source Adanx]

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