DB News, Gossip, & Pop Culture

March 31, 2012

First Ever MW3 Commentary

Filed under: Comedy, Gaming — Tags: , , , , , — DBNewsWorld @ 11:47 AM

Dear loyal readers, all I ask is that you Like, Share, & Subscribe to this video. I would greatly appreciate it. Leave your comments and suggestions below!

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May 31, 2011

Come at Me, Bro!

Filed under: Comedy — Tags: , , , , , — DBNewsWorld @ 10:38 PM

Last I checked it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that you shouldn’t press the buttons of an angry gorilla. Or worse, a greased up Italian from The Jersey Shore. People are speculating that Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino acted like himself and pushed juice-head Ronnie Ortiz-Magro to the edge. The results were “The Situation” with a busted face, and Ronnie with a busted hand. Right now none of this can be confirmed, but let’s not kid ourselves. If you had to spend 3+ seasons with “The Situation” don’t you think you’d be tempted to cut off his dirty penis or make him suffocate in hair gel? You can’t blame Ronnie. Pretty fucking stupid of Mike to think he had a chance, we all saw Ronnie in season one shouting the famous, “COME AT ME, BRO!” Come at him he did.

[Source WhatWouldTylerDurdenDo?]

March 27, 2011

It’s Friday!

Filed under: Comedy — Tags: , , , , — DBNewsWorld @ 9:34 PM

So if you haven’t heard of Rebecca Black who’s been trending on Twitter for over a week now, you must either be retarded or just came back from vacation on the moon. Her song Friday (please, YouTube it) is probably one of the most poorly written songs I have heard in recent memory. Everything about it is bad, there’s no rhyming, it’s like listening to an 8 year old read you their diary. The video makes almost no sense. Isn’t she in middle school? Why are her friends in a car? Why is there a middle-aged black guy going to a party with middle schoolers? It doesn’t matter. It’s actually catchy, if you can believe that.

Lastly, for all you dirty trolls out there, I agree with you, this song is garbage. However, no one should threaten, insult, or berate this girl as a person. She didn’t write the song, she didn’t film the video, she just sang what was presented to her. People who tell Rebecca Black to kill herself, or are calling her ugly are fucking retarded. Why don’t you come out from behind your computer and call her ugly to her face, you fucking coward. No one needs to be insulted as a person, especially from trolls who use the internet as their medium for baseless arguments.Come find me if you want a piece, I will sue your ass blind for aggravated assault, you fucking shit.

Here’s the best part: Rebecca Black is making $27K a week from her YouTube video. Twenty seven thousand dollars. How much do you make a week? Shut the fuck up.

[Source HollywoodReporter]

February 26, 2011

Seriously, Entertainment World?

Filed under: Celebrities, Comedy — Tags: , , — DBNewsWorld @ 12:25 AM

Back in October of 2010 it was reported that child actor Angus T. Jones would be making roughly $300,000 PER EPISODE of Two and a Half Men. Look at this kid. If you have ever watched the show you know that he just plays a gigantic moron. Believe me, I know that takes SOME skill and craft, but it doesn’t take $300K worth of talent. I would consider myself lucky to be raking in $300K a YEAR at the peak of my career. But that’s entertainment for you.

Unfortunately for him his dreams of being continually overpaid will be put to a halt because of Charlie Sheen’s fucking random behavior. Actually, it’s not that random, that behavior is really expected when you do cocaine and bang porn stars all day. Now that the show is on an indefinite hiatus I may never get to be angry at an unattractive, sort of talentless, overpaid child actor ever again. If I’m lucky though, Angus Jones will get some pointers from his TV uncle and walk down the path of prostitutes, drugs, and bad hair.

[Source Yahoo!]

November 30, 2010

Angelina Pav-WHAT?!

Filed under: Comedy — Tags: , — DBNewsWorld @ 4:27 PM

Do yourself a favor and listen to this amazing track by Jersey Shore’s Angelina Pavarnick. I didn’t know what category to put this post under. She definitely can’t be in the same class as “Hot Chicks” and I wouldn’t group her with “Celebrities”, so I figured if you didn’t laugh and think it was a “Comedy”, it’s definitely a worthy tragedy. If this doesn’t brighten your day, your life must be shit.

[Source IDon’tLikeYouInThatWay]

October 29, 2010

Is This Beauty?

I have been using this site to express really sexist, ignorant, and absurd views on women, but all in humor and good fun. You can get the fuck out if you aren’t laughing. But as I’ve said before, despite talking about women like they are objects, like they serve no other purpose than eye candy is all really a big joke to me. It has actually reached the point of some minor concern. Case and point above, Ms. “Leslie Tang.” Now I have NOTHING against her specifically, I don’t know her, it’s really by unfortunate chance that her specific picture got picked. You can read her Tumblr below and enjoy. Just by briefly looking at her and her Tumblr, you may or may not get the impression of what kind of woman she is, was, and will become.

My concern is, “What is our perception of beauty?” How does that perception influence women in terms of how they behave socially, what they aspire to be, what sort of behavior and expectations they promote from their peers, and is it ultimately detrimental? It’s all bad to me. It honestly goes beyond self expression. This isn’t about “MySpace Pictures” anymore. This digital age of social media, Twitter, YouTube, Facebook has set short term goals for women.  It’s not about having huge tits or just being popular. It’s about having fans, followers, 15 minutes of fame, it’s about having a false sense of self confidence and independence.

“Because I have fans, because people like me, because I can express myself, and am ‘beautiful’ I will be successful.” That perception of reality is so skewed and worrisome. Here I am, ranting, commenting on what women should or shouldn’t do. That couldn’t be further from the truth. I have made the observation that all of us have, mostly men, the guys who invented the internet, social media, the ones who let us “express” ourselves behind a computer screen instead of face to face, have assured women, intentionally or not, that they’ll be all right posing in their underwear, lacking any real talent, or without setting any real goals.

Because after all the glitz and glamor, the night life and the drinking, when putting on make-up won’t put food on the table (because you’re good looking, but so are a lot of other people), when your self-expression and rebelliousness won’t pay the bills, and being a gold digger gets harder because you aren’t young anymore, your body isn’t as tight anymore, and someone more beautiful has come along, you’re fucked. The worst part is, it’s not completely your fault. You didn’t fuck yourself, everyone fucked you. When we have sites like “FuckYeahAZNGirls” (link below, enjoy), how are you going to keep up if you aren’t one of them?

Tangent: Girls on that site all look the fucking same. To make it worse, they all look great when the picture icon is small, then I expand it and it’s like, you aren’t very pretty up close. You aren’t really pretty when I see all the flaws that you accentuation by contrasting them with your make-up, hair, trendy glasses, and slutty clothes. You can fight the man, you can fight your parents, you can fight all those “losers” and “ugly people” in your school by being you, by being a gorgeous slut, by promoting self-destructive personalities, by thinking you are unique, but you can’t fight reality and time. What do you look like without all the make-up? Because when it’s all off, when you have to be you with the person you think loves you and you are fucking ugly, and you’re talentless and don’t have a beautiful personality to back it up: You are fucked.

Would I love to sleep with these women? Absolutely. That would be awesome. Would I love to eat a box of jelly donuts? Absolutely. That would be awesome. Would I like to have children with these women? To have good looking kids, sure. To potentially raise talentless children around a potentially worthless mother? Absolutely not. Don’t get me wrong! You know, I know, they know, we know that intelligent, talented, beautiful, caring, kind, compassionate women are out there. I have a feeling a majority of them aren’t posing in their underwear and counting how many followers or hits they have.

Women have worked so hard to get respect, recognition, equal opportunity, and then other women have perverted that right. It went from I can go to college to I can wear this slutty outfit. I don’t know what I’m trying to get across in this post. I will still put pictures up of attractive (some will have talent) people, I will still crack sexist jokes, I will still be in love with beautiful people. But that’s insignificant. I’m trying to follow my dreams, to pay my bills, to have children who aren’t fucking delinquents, to leave this society better off than I came into it. Cliché, I know, but it wouldn’t be cliché if people didn’t keep saying it for a good reason. It’s not about oppression, it’s about concern. You’re beautiful, but are you more than a pretty face? Have we lost a generation of women? Is my penis small? I think that answers itself.

[Source FuckYeahAZNGirls, ShehLovee]

October 21, 2010

My Freaking Hero

Filed under: Celebrities, Comedy — Tags: , , — DBNewsWorld @ 2:29 PM

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino is coming out with his book. FINALLY. I mean, this guy has a popular show, has his own workout videos, has a rap song, it was only a matter of time before he would finally write a book. Which I find a little difficult to believe because I thought he was illiterate. Just kidding, I love this guy, he’s seriously my hero if I didn’t have like real career aspirations. It sounds mean, but I say it because I love this ridiculous stereotype of a human being. I wanted to write a book similar to this, but it had nothing to do with physically working out or getting women. It was just about creeping, eating a lot, and masturbating. I figure someone out there needs insight on how to do that. Make sure you buy a copy when this comes out. This way he’s motivated to stay the way he is for years to come.

[Source: TheSuperficial]

June 15, 2010

Japan: The Review

I know I have about 3 readers (2 of which are myself) so no one really cares if I go absent. At least I have a genuine reason for once. Normally, I don’t update because I’m lazy and or masturbating for weeks on end. More recently, I actually took some time to myself and traveled to the magical country of Japan. For a week I failed to communicate with an entire nation of people, drained my finances, watched Japanese pornography for prolonged periods of time, ate lots of delicious foods, was immersed in borderline penis inspired fashion, and sort of fell in love with a country (similar to how you fall in love with a 4th cousin you never really knew). I will go ahead and list the things I loved and loathed.

Loved

1. The Women. Maybe it was the endless porn, but I found myself infatuated with almost every other female that walked by. They were cute, they were fashionable with their outfits from from their hats to their heels to their cell phone trinkets, and most of them were pretty short which may or may not be accommodating to my small penis. I never felt more in love in my entire life.

2. The Food. I found myself spending endless amounts of money in America to eat Japanese food, nothing was more satisfying than getting it from the source. The texture of the ramen was smooth and rich, the soba was tasty and refreshing, the sushi was fresh and delicious, and all the quick eats were usually affordable.

3. The Fashion. Women were consistently cute. It was sort of weird because some of the clothing looked like what a late aged mother would wear. But they made it work and it was adorable. 90% of the men on the streets wore suits, and if you watch retarded shows like How I Met Your Mother, we all know rule number one: Suit up.

4. The Politeness Custom. I was greeted with violent excessiveness in every store, (more mature) people bowed left and right, and people were much more willing to please there than in the states.

5. The Convenience. Something about Japan really made me feel like EVERYTHING was at my fingertips. People, food, information, locations. They have streamlined their lives, from ordering food (purchasing a ticket from a machine, then handing it to the hostess), maps are EVERYWHERE, vending machines for everything are EVERYWHERE, and the train line takes you to locations for specific things (shopping, food, pornography, sex, entertainment). It’s probably to accommodate their fast paced life style and lack of human interaction.

6. The Nightlife. It’s no Las Vegas or New York City, but you have to realize Tokyo is several awesome districts minutes from each other. I can’t help but stare in awe and wonder every time I see all the lights, people, cars, and sounds. In Japan, if you and your friends want a night out on the town, you go out and it’s expected for you to be in bed no earlier than 5 AM. Depending on the area, they may or may not allow foreigners, but the pretty locals girls are more than happy to get anyone who can speak English in.

7. The Social Norms. I like this one mainly because it’s comical. If you are unhappy in a relationship, you hire someone to break up for you. If want to hook up with someone, there are areas composed of hotels made SPECIFICALLY for one night stands. Men (and there is a GIGANTIC MARKET for women, as pictured by the hosts above) can pay people as much as one would pay a high-end escort to simply hang out and talk to them. Girls aged 17-22 years-old dress up as maids and call you their master as they serve you overpriced food items and drinks regardless of how old you are. Toilet paper is a waste, instead the toilet sprays you in the asshole then dries it with warm air. A McDonald’s Happy Meal is 9 dollars. Fresh fruits can run in the hundreds and people pay it. It’s weird, but it’s memorable.

8. Hachiko. If you don’t know who Hachi is, do yourself a damn favor and Wikipedia him. Why do people love dogs? Why are they considered man’s best friend? Hachiko is why. Years after his master’s death, he still waited for him at the train station same time everyday. It touches the heart. Japanese people love him so much, they gave him his own damn statue. TWICE. I can barely get my name in the breakfast burrito club at the local Denny’s.

Loathed

1. The Price. Everything cost an arm and a leg in Japan. It seemed like regardless of what I was buying, they felt the need to also punch me in the genitals. A lighter? 3 dollars. An apple? 6 dollars. A 20 dollar shirt found in the US? 37 dollars. Tiny things add up too. For example, at the arcade in America it usually cost 1 to 2 quarters to play a game. In Japan, 100-200 yen, the equivalent of 1-2 DOLLARS. Same game, same amount of lives, 4-8 times the cost. These kids drop coins in the machines like they were nickels.

2. No Vegetables. I personally have not looked into the colon cancer rate in Japan, but I swear I don’t know how city people get their serving of vegetables or fiber. 9/10 meals I had in Japan had no form of vegetables. They eat grains, proteins, and sodium rich broths. I was there for 7 days. I shit a total of 1.5 times while eating 2.5 meals a day. I came back to America, and in 4 days I shit 7 times. It’s not a coincidence.

3. The Smoking. Sure, it’s common here in the states too, but it doesn’t make me hate it any less. People smoke EVERYWHERE and INSIDE too. What is this? 1923? And the women, WHYYY, so many attractive women smoke. Makes my dick so soft. The benefits of not smoking outweigh any euphoric feelings one gets. Consider stopping!

4. The Rudeness. This is separate from the politeness. People are IN SUCH A FUCKING HURRY in this country, particularly the unloved men. They bump into you, they push on trains, and they ignore your politeness. And there’s this absurd sense of entitlement and elitism. To be fair, it is Japan. But business men seriously live like they run that shit. They think they get priority to spots, seats, goods, women, you name it. Just because you have a “great” job where you make lots of money, that doesn’t give you the right to be an obnoxious asshole and ruin other people’s time simply because you have no one to come home to and no one loves you.

5. The Racism. The reality is, if you’re not a white American, Japan could give two shits less about you. They have these nationalist buses that drive around shouting over their loud speakers how Japan is great, Japan is the alpha Asian race, other countries are inferior, foreigners should not be allowed into Japan, work in Japan, marry Japanese people. It’s scary. To be fair, it’s freedom of speech, not like we don’t have ignorant racists in the states and other parts of the world. It seems that people in this country do bend over backwards for white Americans. I think it’s some World War 2 complex. In contrast, being the Chinese ding dong that I am, any other ethnic group who can not speak Japanese is essentially treated like garbage. So if you look Japanese and keep your mouth shut, you’re good to go. Otherwise, hope you like spending time in your hotel room watching mother & son porn, because I sure as fuck didn’t.

6. The Loneliness. I can’t help but notice how super lonely/unhappy some of these people look. If you aren’t attractive, popular, rich, fashionable, then you’re garbage, and it’s reflected in lots of people’s faces. They look tired, unhappy, lacking purpose, lacking friends, and hating their existence. I want to say that 97% of my trip lacked laughter coming from my surroundings. My cousin and I were cracking jokes, talking, discussing, analyzing, doing deep shit like that, and even in public places, people looked absolutely miserable. It’s as if they were living because they had to, not because they wanted to. We saw this guy playing a video game that he was AMAZING at, and he played it with zero joy in his face. We saw another gentleman win a prize, took it, and left probably to return to his empty home filled with other prizes he has no one to share with. In a maid cafe, the maids were singing dancing, and there was a guy sitting there, staring blankly as though he just realized he wasn’t meant to exist. Public affection is looked down upon in Japan and I doubt parents say “I love you,” very often. Bullying is left to the bullied to deal with. As a result, sure, some may look pretty, but they probably go home and cut themselves. Repeatedly. On their genitals.

I may add more later. Long story short, I would return to Japan in a heartbeat if I can fulfill a couple requirements. I first and foremost need a travel partner who genuinely wants to go all out, I would like to already know Japanese people over there so we could meet up, and I would like to learn how to speak Japanese. I also feel like I could get a lot of ass with my American personality and mentality. That or stabbed. Repeatedly. I had fun, but I know there’s so much more to see and do.  That country is a mystery. A mystery being strangled and pleasured by tentacle porn.

May 31, 2010

Li Wei

Filed under: Comedy — Tags: , , — DBNewsWorld @ 7:56 PM

Chinese artist/photographer Li Wei knows what it’s all about. I love his art because it’s hilarious. This essentially depicts how I feel everyday.

This is what happens to me whenever I talk to women. There’s nothing like art that knows exactly how I feel.

[Source Pxleyes]

May 28, 2010

Dumb Questions Make Funny Questions

Filed under: Comedy — Tags: , , , , — DBNewsWorld @ 5:21 PM

This made me laugh so hard. Follow the link for countless other ridiculous questions and smart-ass answers.

[Source MasalaTime]

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