DB News, Gossip, & Pop Culture

January 11, 2011

Practicality Out The Window

Filed under: Technology — Tags: , , , — DBNewsWorld @ 3:26 PM

This is pretty freaking sweet. I love sushi, and more importantly, I love ikura. For those who don’t speak Spanish, that’s salmon eggs. Now I can have it as my iPhone 4 case all the time. Wait, how is this suppose to fit in my pocket comfortably? Wait, it has to sit on it’s FACE the entire time? This is one expensive accident waiting to happen. I appreciate the hard work, Japanese people. But much like your tentacle porn, anime porn, and eating dolphins, this too may not be that popular. You can follow the links and buy the impractical case for yourself.

[Source Strapya via Gizmodo]


June 15, 2010

Japan: The Review

I know I have about 3 readers (2 of which are myself) so no one really cares if I go absent. At least I have a genuine reason for once. Normally, I don’t update because I’m lazy and or masturbating for weeks on end. More recently, I actually took some time to myself and traveled to the magical country of Japan. For a week I failed to communicate with an entire nation of people, drained my finances, watched Japanese pornography for prolonged periods of time, ate lots of delicious foods, was immersed in borderline penis inspired fashion, and sort of fell in love with a country (similar to how you fall in love with a 4th cousin you never really knew). I will go ahead and list the things I loved and loathed.


1. The Women. Maybe it was the endless porn, but I found myself infatuated with almost every other female that walked by. They were cute, they were fashionable with their outfits from from their hats to their heels to their cell phone trinkets, and most of them were pretty short which may or may not be accommodating to my small penis. I never felt more in love in my entire life.

2. The Food. I found myself spending endless amounts of money in America to eat Japanese food, nothing was more satisfying than getting it from the source. The texture of the ramen was smooth and rich, the soba was tasty and refreshing, the sushi was fresh and delicious, and all the quick eats were usually affordable.

3. The Fashion. Women were consistently cute. It was sort of weird because some of the clothing looked like what a late aged mother would wear. But they made it work and it was adorable. 90% of the men on the streets wore suits, and if you watch retarded shows like How I Met Your Mother, we all know rule number one: Suit up.

4. The Politeness Custom. I was greeted with violent excessiveness in every store, (more mature) people bowed left and right, and people were much more willing to please there than in the states.

5. The Convenience. Something about Japan really made me feel like EVERYTHING was at my fingertips. People, food, information, locations. They have streamlined their lives, from ordering food (purchasing a ticket from a machine, then handing it to the hostess), maps are EVERYWHERE, vending machines for everything are EVERYWHERE, and the train line takes you to locations for specific things (shopping, food, pornography, sex, entertainment). It’s probably to accommodate their fast paced life style and lack of human interaction.

6. The Nightlife. It’s no Las Vegas or New York City, but you have to realize Tokyo is several awesome districts minutes from each other. I can’t help but stare in awe and wonder every time I see all the lights, people, cars, and sounds. In Japan, if you and your friends want a night out on the town, you go out and it’s expected for you to be in bed no earlier than 5 AM. Depending on the area, they may or may not allow foreigners, but the pretty locals girls are more than happy to get anyone who can speak English in.

7. The Social Norms. I like this one mainly because it’s comical. If you are unhappy in a relationship, you hire someone to break up for you. If want to hook up with someone, there are areas composed of hotels made SPECIFICALLY for one night stands. Men (and there is a GIGANTIC MARKET for women, as pictured by the hosts above) can pay people as much as one would pay a high-end escort to simply hang out and talk to them. Girls aged 17-22 years-old dress up as maids and call you their master as they serve you overpriced food items and drinks regardless of how old you are. Toilet paper is a waste, instead the toilet sprays you in the asshole then dries it with warm air. A McDonald’s Happy Meal is 9 dollars. Fresh fruits can run in the hundreds and people pay it. It’s weird, but it’s memorable.

8. Hachiko. If you don’t know who Hachi is, do yourself a damn favor and Wikipedia him. Why do people love dogs? Why are they considered man’s best friend? Hachiko is why. Years after his master’s death, he still waited for him at the train station same time everyday. It touches the heart. Japanese people love him so much, they gave him his own damn statue. TWICE. I can barely get my name in the breakfast burrito club at the local Denny’s.


1. The Price. Everything cost an arm and a leg in Japan. It seemed like regardless of what I was buying, they felt the need to also punch me in the genitals. A lighter? 3 dollars. An apple? 6 dollars. A 20 dollar shirt found in the US? 37 dollars. Tiny things add up too. For example, at the arcade in America it usually cost 1 to 2 quarters to play a game. In Japan, 100-200 yen, the equivalent of 1-2 DOLLARS. Same game, same amount of lives, 4-8 times the cost. These kids drop coins in the machines like they were nickels.

2. No Vegetables. I personally have not looked into the colon cancer rate in Japan, but I swear I don’t know how city people get their serving of vegetables or fiber. 9/10 meals I had in Japan had no form of vegetables. They eat grains, proteins, and sodium rich broths. I was there for 7 days. I shit a total of 1.5 times while eating 2.5 meals a day. I came back to America, and in 4 days I shit 7 times. It’s not a coincidence.

3. The Smoking. Sure, it’s common here in the states too, but it doesn’t make me hate it any less. People smoke EVERYWHERE and INSIDE too. What is this? 1923? And the women, WHYYY, so many attractive women smoke. Makes my dick so soft. The benefits of not smoking outweigh any euphoric feelings one gets. Consider stopping!

4. The Rudeness. This is separate from the politeness. People are IN SUCH A FUCKING HURRY in this country, particularly the unloved men. They bump into you, they push on trains, and they ignore your politeness. And there’s this absurd sense of entitlement and elitism. To be fair, it is Japan. But business men seriously live like they run that shit. They think they get priority to spots, seats, goods, women, you name it. Just because you have a “great” job where you make lots of money, that doesn’t give you the right to be an obnoxious asshole and ruin other people’s time simply because you have no one to come home to and no one loves you.

5. The Racism. The reality is, if you’re not a white American, Japan could give two shits less about you. They have these nationalist buses that drive around shouting over their loud speakers how Japan is great, Japan is the alpha Asian race, other countries are inferior, foreigners should not be allowed into Japan, work in Japan, marry Japanese people. It’s scary. To be fair, it’s freedom of speech, not like we don’t have ignorant racists in the states and other parts of the world. It seems that people in this country do bend over backwards for white Americans. I think it’s some World War 2 complex. In contrast, being the Chinese ding dong that I am, any other ethnic group who can not speak Japanese is essentially treated like garbage. So if you look Japanese and keep your mouth shut, you’re good to go. Otherwise, hope you like spending time in your hotel room watching mother & son porn, because I sure as fuck didn’t.

6. The Loneliness. I can’t help but notice how super lonely/unhappy some of these people look. If you aren’t attractive, popular, rich, fashionable, then you’re garbage, and it’s reflected in lots of people’s faces. They look tired, unhappy, lacking purpose, lacking friends, and hating their existence. I want to say that 97% of my trip lacked laughter coming from my surroundings. My cousin and I were cracking jokes, talking, discussing, analyzing, doing deep shit like that, and even in public places, people looked absolutely miserable. It’s as if they were living because they had to, not because they wanted to. We saw this guy playing a video game that he was AMAZING at, and he played it with zero joy in his face. We saw another gentleman win a prize, took it, and left probably to return to his empty home filled with other prizes he has no one to share with. In a maid cafe, the maids were singing dancing, and there was a guy sitting there, staring blankly as though he just realized he wasn’t meant to exist. Public affection is looked down upon in Japan and I doubt parents say “I love you,” very often. Bullying is left to the bullied to deal with. As a result, sure, some may look pretty, but they probably go home and cut themselves. Repeatedly. On their genitals.

I may add more later. Long story short, I would return to Japan in a heartbeat if I can fulfill a couple requirements. I first and foremost need a travel partner who genuinely wants to go all out, I would like to already know Japanese people over there so we could meet up, and I would like to learn how to speak Japanese. I also feel like I could get a lot of ass with my American personality and mentality. That or stabbed. Repeatedly. I had fun, but I know there’s so much more to see and do.  That country is a mystery. A mystery being strangled and pleasured by tentacle porn.

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